homophobic hairless cat

[cyndaquirl]

i just had the craziest dream and it was so fun and i wish it kept going. the whole dream was pretty long so i only really remember the last chunk of it in detail, but this was the setting:

i was in this old, victorian style mansion that was supposedly owned by my moms cousin. i was visiting them for the summer and i got to bring my friend so we were both staying in one of the guest rooms. all the furniture was dark and polished wood and there were extravagant carpets and decorations everywhere. in this room in particular there was a lot of moth/insect related decor, because apparently a band that my moms cousin used to like as a teenager had a moth logo and he had put up most of his old band merch in this room.

so there was a lot leading up to the part im gonna mention but it’s pretty foggy. i remember sitting naked in the massive courtyard next to some fancy trimmed hedges. i remember watching a vlog of a theatre student going around campus and describing her first day of classes. i remember a couple american people doing some kind of interpretive dance outside of the cop car i was in (i don’t remember why i was in it). but then there was the cat.

so the last scene of the dream before my alarm went off, my friend and i were sitting in the guest room and she was surfing the web on the desktop computer to my right. there was this hairless cat with a calico pattern on his skin, but also a few lime green spots about 1/2 an inch in diameter. he was coming up to my lap and cuddling me and i was enjoying hanging out with him. but then. HE TALKED

i remember being super shocked in the dream and i thought i was hallucinating because my friend didnt seem to hear it. plus up to this point nothing exceptionally supernatural had happened so it took me by surprise. i remember him saying something along the lines of “she doesnt have to hear me i can just talk to you.” so we started chatting and i remember the dialogue was really detailed which isnt typical of my dreams. most of my dreams don’t have much talking (or at least i don’t usually remember it at all) so this was kind of odd. we talked about random stuff for a minute but then the cat stood up on my lap and scrunched his nose up in what i took as a “disgusted” look and said “wait.... are you... gay?”

at that point i burst out laughing and the cat seemed to get kinda offended that i wasnt taking him seriously. so i was like “oh, well, im bisexual, so kinda?” and he sighed a little and then curled up on my lap again. i laughed and asked what was wrong with being gay and he didnt answer. i remember thinking the whole thing was fucking hilarious and trying not to laugh too much and piss him off. i had a bottle of water and he said he was thirsty but he wanted me to tip my water bottle so he could sip from the edge of it “like a human”. but when i tried that he started licking at the stream of water and got it all over the couch i was sitting on so i was like “no were not doing this” and poured it in a tupperware bowl that was on the coffee table to my left.

he jumped up on the table and started drinking, but he grumbled something about this being “the gay way” to drink and i fucking lost my shit again. he seemed to be unhappy that i found it so funny so i tried to stop laughing. he jumped back onto my lap and curled up again. then i had the hilarious idea to ask him if HE was gay.... and he heaved a big sigh and i knew he was about to say something long winded and i was SO excited to hear it BUT THEN I WOKE UP!!!!!!!

im so pissed, this always happens. your alarm goes off at the worst possible moment. i JUST woke up from this and im scrambling to get all the details down before they become more fuzzy. i wish i remembered the earlier parts better because they were also pretty funny. normally i would just write this down in my notes app but i decided to share it with the lorums today. i hope u enjoyed it as much as i did

[totallynotlydia]

why is this legit one of the funniest things ive read this week.