My luck with relationships is awful

[AlwaysACeiling]

Subject says it all. I've legitimately had the worst luck with relationships. I will share my catharsis with the Lorums as my first post.

I've only dated one person, and have been close to dating other people 6 times. Out of those 7 different people that I've almost ended up dating/did date, one failed to go anywhere because of my own immaturity, one because of a grave error I made, one because I wasn't ready, two because they turned out to be not great people, and the other two because of things far outside my control.

The first was the person I liked for a long time. Me and her were great friends, and I had a crush on them for an extremely long time. However, my maturity at this time was subpar, and this led to a lot of conflict in our friendship. I wouldn't respect their boundaries on some occasions, and would get upset with them for being overly worried about me on others. Then, her now-ex, who turned out to be the biggest sack of shit I've ever seen but was at that time someone I called my friend, conjured up lies that I, as naive and stupid as I was, didn't bother asking her about or anything, and we ended up not talking to each other at all for two entire years. Eventually, we reconnected after her ex was manipulating her, and although I warned her that returning to him was a bad idea, she believed she could make him better.
There wasn't really much more I could have done during this time, I've accepted that. At the very least, once he pulled his shit for what would be the last time, me, her, and an entire friend group worked together to banish him from our friendgroups by informing people that the person they called their friend was an absolutely awful individual.

However, at this time I was interested in another person: someone I knew from elementary school, that I started to hang out with. This was, in all honesty, a huge fuck up on my part. I still wasn't exactly the smartest fella when it came to trying to date people, and when I started becoming interested in this girl, I honestly... got a little obsessive. Looking back on it now, I'm extremely disturbed by how I acted. But in the end, we ended up not being friends anymore; she told me she was suicidal and I didn't know what to do, so I messaged her parents on Facebook, panicking. I had somehow screenshotted this conversation halfway through, I must have done it in a half-dazed state just trying to spam keys. This wouldn't have been a problem, had I been even somewhat careful.
But as things go with me, when I was going to select another screenshot, I chose that one. Previews weren't showing, and I couldn't tell which one I had picked. God, the feeling in my stomach when that happened. I knew there was no recovering from that one. We haven't talked since, and as far as I know, she still absolutely despises me.

This affected my friendship with the first person I liked, because I had been confiding in them the issues I had been having. Little did I know, she was actually starting to be a little bit interested in me, and the fact I was just talking about the other person I liked just hurt her. I was completely unaware that I was doing so at the time, but I can see these signs looking back. But I was still immature, and was still pushing boundaries a bit more than I should. In the end, I think eventually we matured into different people that appreciated different things in our friendship, and this led to the end of this saga of my life.

Before either of these events, however, I almost ended up in a polyamourous relationship. Someone I really liked when they were in school with me had moved away, and it ended up that we would reconnect. We talked a bit, and I introduced them to a few of my friends. It turned out that one of the people I introduced them to, a person 5 years older than either of us... They were interested in dating them. And they were also interested in dating me.
Cue a lot of confusion in my mind. On one hand, there was a level of interest that I had in possibly dating them. On the other, I felt a little uncomfortable about the idea of being in a poly relationship with a 21 year old when me and them were 16. bt I was going to pull the trigger and accept.
Luckily, one of my best friends, who I remain close with to this day, jumped into my DMs and told me it was a bad idea. He convinced me not to do it. God, that entire situation was both super creepy and extremely uncomfortable. They ended up transitioning into a demi-boy a few months afterwards, and they started acting in a way that I sorta lost interest. We probably won't talk ever again.

Now, back to after the first situation I brought up. I was looking for people to befriend, people going to Dal in first year. I turned to Dal Mobile (my biggest mistake), and found someone who had posted their Discord tag. "Huh, might as well message this person and see what they're like."
We seemed to hit it off extremely well. Flirting and innuendo ensued, until their friend messaged me and told me that they had been interested in me for a few days. But we had only met a few days ago... I honestly was starting to feel a bit of interest myself, and decided to see where this could go.
However, after the previous couple of situations, and a few others I won't talk about, I gave myself strict guidelines for whether I'd date someone or not. One of those guidelines was that I had to meet them in person first. And since I wasn't in Halifax at the time, there was no easy way to meet them. Thus, I decided that we would leave becoming an official couple until I came to Halifax and could meet them for the first time.
We continued flirting though, and things seemed to be good until one day... they just stopped messaging me. I was confused, and felt a little bit hurt. They just sent short messages in response to anything I said, and I just didn't know what was going on.

During this time, I had started a Discord server for new students going to Dal. Eventually, a little group was formed, with me, them, and a few other people. One of these people is important later, so I'll mention that ahead of time. We would talk a lot in our little private channel, and I enjoyed getting to talk with all these people I had found.
But I still had to dig. I had to ask why they stopped talking to me.
Because they got bored with me.
Oh, I should've seen the result of this ahead of time. But alas, I wasn't prepared.
I asked them if they wanted to try again. They gave me a "maybe". I took this as a hopeful yes.
Two weeks after, they were telling me that they got "cockblocked by god" because a guy they liked was already dating someone. And I was STILL interested.
Finally, a few days after, after coming to Halifax and joining them at an event a Discord server ran, I began thinking about all the things that were happening. I started noticing patterns in their behavior. And then I realized it: they wanted attention.
They were an attention seeker. They did everything possible to keep people's eyes on them, and I eventually decided this was not worth persuing as a relationship anymore. I don't know how I didn't realize this a few months before, but this happening turned my naivete off for the next few months. I was super aware of a lot of things for the next few months, and this led to the little friendgroup from before showing their true colors as we met in person. They got upset with us over not planning around specifically them one day and made a huge hassle over it, and I was pretty much done with them at that point. They were no longer my friend.

The next person I was interested in was a girl from my philosophy class. She was pretty nice, talked a lot but was always fun to talk to. Only a few weeks in I was noticing that there was some sort of spark. One night, we were talking on Snapchat, and she mentioned she liked me. And then I offered to take them out for a drink to get to know them better.
But something felt off. Something didn't feel right. I couldn't tell what it was, but I just knew I wasn't comfortable. I ended up giving them an excuse and cancelling the drink date.
I felt awful about it. They did nothing wrong, and they just got shut down. I just think I was wary of relationships after the previous mishap, and I just wasn't ready to try to date anyone else. Little did I know that I would end up on the receiving end of the exact same thing a few months later.

Another group of friends I hang out with go out on Fridays. Eventually, we made a small little group chat for people to plan our meetups, as we would usually do so that we could all get together at the same time. One of my friends in that group invited a girl into that group, and I realized rather quickly that she might have a thing or two in common with me. Turned out I was right, and I was starting to feel a little bit of interest. She was super cool, had some really neat interests and hobbies... I wanted to get to know them a bit better. I decided I'd ask them out for a coffee, no pressure or anything, just a chance to learn about someone I thought was pretty neat. One night, when me, her, and a couple of other people were hanging out, I decided to shoot my shot. I messaged a friend of mine who was with us telling him my intention, and he sneakily made me an opening, so I decided to ask. She accepted, and I was ecstatic. Though I had a feeling, as always, that this wasn't going to end up happening in the end for some reason.
Turned out that I was right. She apologized to me the next day, and said she just wasn't comfortable with the idea. She had her reasons, and I understood them. It was a little bit disappointing, but regardless, I took it as a win that I was even able to try and ask someone out.

So I've told of all my relationships that never came to happen. But there's one left. And this story starts in the middle of the attention seeker's.

As I mentioned, a group of friends formed, where it was me, the person that ended up bored with me, and 4 other people. One of those four people was a very sweet person. Me and them turned out to have a LOT in common. It was almost freaky sometimes, how much we had in common, how many similar events we had happen to us. We became close pretty quickly, we talked a decent bit, and I eventually started to have the inklings of interest in them. But my hopes were dashed when I found out they weren't interested in guys. I accepted it pretty quickly, however, and moved on.
But it doesn't stop here. When Omicron hit, I got stuck where I grew up. I was depressed, I couldn't see any of the friends I had made, the friends I grew up with seemingly ignored me, and I felt really low. But my one respite was being able to talk to them, and I was starting to feel my original attraction reappear. I felt awful about this. because as they said, they weren't interested in guys, and I was going to just clear out these feelings and move on.
I never could have been prepared for what happened next though.

One day, there was a chat in a server that was becoming active. A few of the people there chatted about relationships, or their lack thereof. I noticed that the person I was interested in was saying some things that were alluding to something. Stuff about not being sure of what they were interested in, something about possibly being interested in someone. I alluded back that I had a crush on someone, and this happened for a few more hours.
A couple of hours later, I just... got really depressive for no reason. I felt really low, I felt really sad, I didn't really know why. They cheered me up, and we ended up chatting for a bit.
And then they told me they had something to tell me. My heart raced. "There's no way it's what I think it is, right? No matter how much I want it to be that, it's not going to happen, right?"
It was what I thought it was. They were interested in me too. They started feeling something around the time school started, and were figuring things out until Omicron, when they finally recognized their feelings. I told you, we have a lot of odd coincidences, even today.

I proposed we start dating then and there. And they said yes.

Cue the happiest time of my life. I was so extremely happy, I felt great about myself. In all honesty, there were times where I wasn't taking care of myself as much as I should have, but once I had started dating this person, I knew I had to. I felt incredible, with a bit of anxiety about other things too. Me and them would talk every morning, and message each other late into the night. We were able to trust each other with things we've never told another soul. I don't think I've been that happy and without melancholy since I was a preteen.

Alas, this wouldn't fit the theme without an ending begging it. I had been anxiously awaiting my return to campus, because I'd be able to visit them. Eventually, I got there, in the middle of a snowstorm, and we hung out for a while. Something felt... off, but I just took it as anxiety and kept being ridiculously happy about what happened.
Until the message I got later that night. They didn't think we should date anymore. They felt something was off too, but not because of anything I had done. There was nothing either of us could have done to prevent this.
I don't know how many of you have experienced true heartbreak. I never did until that day. I felt sad, I felt cold even though my room was warm. It truly felt like my heart had ripped into pieces.
Unlike almost other story I've told, where either I or the other person had messed something up drastically, nobody was at fault. And honestly, that was one of the things that hurt the most at the time. Nothing felt wrong, nothing seemed wrong, we got along famously. I couldn't help but wonder if I had unintentionally done something wrong.
We're still friends to this day, and I regret nothing that happened. But it still keeps me up for a little bit some nights, wondering if maybe there WAS something I could have done differently. Every time, I come to the same conclusion: it wasn't meant to be.

That's where the story end for now. In all honesty, relationships somewhat scare me now. Although I'm still attracted to the allure of having someone as close to me as they were, there's the fear of ending up in one of these situations, or even completely different ones. Many of these ended up where they were because of stupid decisions I made, but others were completely out of my control.

Once again, this is simply me giving my story as a cathartic act. I just needed to release my thoughts somewhere, and the Lorums were where I ended up.
If you've been able to identify who I am (which honestly isn't that difficult), hi there. You don't need to share this, especially if you know some of the people involved. I wish no harm on anyone I've been interested in, and although I accept that there's a possibility they may see this, I feel there's no benefit to reminding them of the past.
I'm doing better now, and a lot of big things (unrelated to romantic pursuits) are happening right now. I hope you all have a nice day.